Monday, January 25, 2010

A New Year

Every milestone brings it's share of memories and emotions. It's weird the things that trigger certain memories. Everytime I even think about having to go to the hospital again I just get this sick feeling in my stomach like I did with the chemo with you just feel sick and nothing tastes good to you..... everything tastes blah. Yesterday I was running media for the worship team and we were using two computers at once and at different points during the service the head tech guy had to switch the audio feeds from one computer to another and just watching him do that brought back memories of the nurses changing my IV bags.

I often wonder if I am ever going to be in that place again or if I am through with that nightmare for good. It seems like a really bad dream to me. Sitting here at this point one year out.... a year ago I had been through my first chemo and was losing my hair.

There is a lady at church who also had Ovarian Cancer and the same dr. His prognosis for her was not good while mine was....and he was right about her. Hers has returned. And while I can take small comfort in it not returning, I still wonder what is in store for me. Going through cancer, especially being ignored at first, has made me so paranoid. It took all I had not to severely question the doctor during Nicole's recent appointment. I know it will take awhile till I can trust them again. There are some things I wish to discuss with a medical professional but I just don't feel comfortable with anybody. I don't want to be paranoid but I know I am not alone in this. I have confided in a friend who has had a similar experience and she shares my fears and paranoia. She understands how I feel and it's nice to know that.

This year started out with a family gathering and my birthday. We took the kids to a movie over my birthday weekend.

Today was really warm. It was also rainy however when I went to pick up Lexi from school there was a beautiful rainbow in the sky. Lexi was so thrilled to be seeing her first rainbow.

As you can see I changed the look of my blog again. I tried color coordinating it to my God is Bigger than my cancer insignia which I've made with a ribbon and a cross, both purple. I don't want it to just be teal for Ovarian cancer or pink for breast cancer...... I want it to be purple to hopefully represent the ultimate Healer of cancer. I hope you enjoy it.

1 comment:

WhiteStone said...

Hi, Denise, so glad to hear you are doing well. It's been a year for me, too...seems like so many of my cancer blog buddies are at the one-year-point. May God richly bless all of us in our second year. God is matter what.