Tuesday, December 30, 2008


That was basically today. Tyler had an early eye doctor appointment where he got fitted for glasses. He will mostly need them for school.
Had to postpone Lexi & Tyler's dentist appointents as Norm needed to go to the doctor due to issues with his blood pressure and recent hospitalization. They seemed better till today and he appears to be on the road to revery.
Also needed to go to the hospital tonight for a tour of the chemo unit. They have a nice facility but all the things she threw at me were overwhelming. She went over all my chemo drugs. The one drug will be hard on the kidney but they will give me a med and start me off on an IV of fluids to hydrate me so my kidney wouldn't have to work as hard. Another drug will be hard on the lungs and could have possible longterm effects. The one also said it could make you not be able to hear high frequency sounds. I told her I already had a hearing loss where I couldn't hear high frequency sounds and could my hearing get worse..... she said it might. That doesn't bother me so much...... maybe that's why God had put this interest in signing in me.
It sill is hard to believe though. I can't get over how I don't feel sick. I feel good, actually..... and yet I have to go in next week to take meds that will make me feel sick so I can get better. It's hard to make sense of it in my mind.
My back has been doing better. As long as I am careful getting out of bed, my back doesn't throb in the morning like it did. I am hoping for complete healing there til next week for the chemo.
It sounds like we are going to have to be germ fanatics during this time. I am making a list of things I will need to buy at the store next grocery day. The nurse we saw tonight suggested things like Lysol wipes to wipe everything down like phones, remotes, etc. She also said I can bring comfort foods. I wasn't sure all what I wanted to bring. We can't keep refrigerated things more than a day.
Norm seems to be doing much better. The doctor said today that it was probably working in him for awhile but the aspiren aggrivated it.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Last Sunday in 2008.....

Tyler was still at my sister's house so I just took Lexi and Nicole to church this morning and then came back home to keep an eye on Norm. I still am concerned about him for a few reasons, one being that his blood pressure has been putting him at risk to pass out again. He plans to go to work tomorrow for at least four hours. I emailed his supervisor telling her to keep an eye on him but I don't know if she will see it tomorrow or not.
This week has been a little stressful, to say the least. I remember thinking at one time, "God, what are you doing here? We don't need this on top of everything else. The kids particularly didn't need it."
Nicole and Tyler actually saw it happen but Lexi picked up on at as well, as we rushed back after the fact. In fact last night she was pretending to pass out and when she "woke up" she told me to tell her to stay laying down. It was that ingrained in her six year old mind. I was so glad that night not only for the friends who jumped in and took over but also for the ones who took the kids aside to console them because Nicole was pretty shook up and Tyler seemed to be in a state of shock. I know Norm never would have listened to me telling him to stay down like he listened to the friends who took over. Then when he was a little more aware, they got him out of the lobby that was filling up and into the kitchen on a chair till I had transportation to the hospital set up.
This coming week will prove to be busy, providing we don't end up at the hospital again. All three kids have dentist appointments between Monday and Tuesday. Tyler also has his eye doctor appointment and we are touring the chemo unit on Tuesday. I am hoping Wednesday is quiet however Nicole has been asking to have a friend over that night. On Thursday we go to a family gathering with my mom's side of the family and on Friday we attempt the family vacation that was disrupted this weekend.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Back home.

We came back home this morning....exhausted.
One doctor siad something about an ulcer in his esophagus and another said something about a spot in his esophagus being irritated or something like that and also said he has acid reflux and will need medication for that. Meanwhile he needs to cut out his iced tea...... which will be difficult. Thank you, everyone, for your prayers, concern and support.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Ended up back at hospital

We ended up back in the hospital. Tomorrow they will be hunting the source of his GI Bleed. He didn't tell last night but really downplayed the blood he found till he admitted it to me this morning. I called the doctor as soon as we all opened our presents and he sent us back to the ER where we spent about six lovely hours before they finally got us a room. Please keep us in prayer as this does not help the stress already upon us with my diagnosis. He is currently in intermediate intensive care. They are hoping to move him to a regular room but there are restrictions to where he is now. No more than 2 visitors at a time and no child under 12. I'm not sure if he is allowed flowers either.
Also please remember our children. This has been really hard on them.

Not how we wanted to spend Christmas Eve!

Spent Christmas Eve in the E/R. Norm passed out tonight at church before the 6:00 program.

They aren't sure what is wrong with him. His white blood count it up but they could not find why. He had a low grade fever and his heart rate was pretty high. After running x-rays, bloodwork and other tests they sent us home with an antibiotic and told us if it happens again this weekend he is to come in immediately and they will admit him. Please pray about that as we were to be going on vacation this weekend. It's been pretty trying emotionally. I told Norm God must have something big in mind for us that he is putting us through all this these past six months.

I was teasing Norm. Before church he was half teasing me that I haven't mentioned him in my blog lately. I told him tonight he made the headlines!

A Praise..... We got blessed 3 times this afternoon and evening......

Merry Christmas!

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

And so we open the next chapter

We finally got the date set for the chemotherapy to begin. On January 6, I go to the oncologist for the pre-chemo appointment and bloodwork. OnJanuary 7 I get admitted to the hospital for the chemo. She informed me when she confirmed it that she is reserving it for three days. I said, Wait a minute, the doctor only told us two days!" They decided to give me an extra day if I needed it. They are being extra careful to watch the levels of my kidney and lung function. That seemed to be his main concern when we discussed it yesterday. I am glad he is showing extra concern for my kidney so I guess if I am stuck an extra day, I will have to try and not complain about it.
I was in to my family doctor this morning. He said that, yes, while I do have athritis in my back, he also believes I dd injure my muscle back there from the fall..... either a strain or tear or something. Thankfully I have almost two weeks to not work and put extra strain on it.
My cousin visited tonight with his pastor. He semed really nice. They prayed for healing. We had a nice little chat as well.
A friend also stopped by with the itinerary for a weekend getaway for our family before the chemo treatments start. We leave the day ater Christmas. It sounds really nice and the kids are really looking forwrd to it. I am looking forward to the hottub because I think it will feel good on my back.
It's just all so strange making arrangements for cancer treatments. I never would have imagined myself doing that. It's made for a very strange Christmas. We got to talking about faith while my cousin's pastor was here and I showed him the plaque that our pastor gave us. He told me that whenever the devil started attacking my mind I was to play praise music and let God minister to me and I told him that is what I already do and how I have this praise music on my blog.

Monday, December 22, 2008

Updates and Family Christmases

We went in to the oncologist appointment this morning. He has it set at stage 3a. I will need inpatient chemotherapy but now he is saying it will only be one night compared to the two he told us last month. To answer some questions I received, He wants it as inpatient to monitor my solitary kidney function and lung function. He did not have a schedule set up yet but I will be getting a call from his nurse to set up one tomorrow afternoon. He seemed very positive about it and was happy I looked so healthy. It was not as bad as the one cancer they thought it could be. We were encouraged by that although we were discouraged he did not know more. He said there is basically no way to really test my type of cancer to see if the chemo helped or if it returned so we have to play by ear. He also could not tell me how I will respond to it because everyone responds differently to it. I will update once I learn the schedule sometime after 3:00 tomorrow......

Regarding my earlier post asking for Christmas Cards for Hannah. Most of the fire companies in the area created a fire apparatus convoy showering her with cards and gifts. Here is the result of that via LancasterFire.com
And the total is.... 10,100 cards from Thursday's convey. This does not include all the gifts and the horse. They are up well over 27,000 total with many boxes still uncounted....

We have a large Nativity scene outside our house. Unfortunately there is no way of securing the three large plastic pieces so every time it's windy they start blowing away. They can't get far because they are mostly attached by an electrical cord. The other day I came home and seen Joseph laying over in the yard a bit away from the rest and I said, "There you go! Another absentee father!"
Norm came back later and said, "Yeah but you notice he couldn't get far because Mary's got a string attached to him. Typical woman!"
Today I noticed in the huge wind gusts that Joseph and Mary were both out in the yard together and I told Norm, "Look! She went after him!"

Walked out into the kitchen this weekend to see a huge hawk fly right into our double window. I don't know who was more surprised, me, the hawk or Coby.......at first I thought it was an owl and then realized it was a hawk. It seemed to stun it. Coby was going absolutely crazy. He wanted out in a major way. I think if I had turned him loose, he'd have gone after the hawk.....not sure who'd have won.....they have those sharp talons.

We needed to go to the bank today and one of the ladies who worked there also happened to be a neighbor from my childhood. She had also recovered from Ovarian cancer. She came over when she saw me and we swapped stories and she gave me a big hug before I left and told me if I needed to talk, she was available. Her cancer was a different type of Ovarian but she was a Stage 3b as opposed to our 3a. It's always encouraging to meet a survivor!

Throughout this whole thing we are going through we have been able to see His hand. Some gifts we had been receiving almost matched what Norm would have made in his second job if he'd have still been working . (He took time off from that to take care of me) I recently mentioned how He made sure Norm got his blood pressure under control. The other day when I needed to go to the doctor. I wasn't sure where I was going to get the money for the co-pay and any medication when I opened the mail and in it was enough for both. Then today we went to pay a bill and discovered someone already paid it so then we were able to pay another bill off. It's just been incredible has God has been orchestrating this whole thing.


My family Christmas

Niece, Zoey

I am the oldest at 40. Deb is a few years younger and Glenda a year and a half younger than Deb. Justin is only 21.

The people who started it all, my parents. LOL.

Norm and I

Norm, Nicole, Me, Lexi and Tyler

Sister, Deb and her husband, Tim

And their family..................

Sister, Glenda and husband, Les

Their family

My baby brother, Justin....who is 21 and SINGLE! 'Course if you think the new NBC Bachelor type show is brutal where they have to get Mama's approval, wait till you meet Justin's sisters!

All the grand kids.

Grandma and Lexi

My dad

Zoey is dead tired but there is waaaay too much to look at!

Zoey finally sacked out with daddy and Uncle Norman

Deb, trying on Lexi's crown


Norm's Family Christmas

BIL's G/F, their baby son, Mason and BIL'sson, also Justin (different than above)

Nanny looking over gifts

Grandpa and Mason

Nanny and Mason

Mason and Norm

Justin and BIL's G/F's DD.

Nicole and I playing with the camera.

Friday, December 19, 2008

Oncologist moves up my pre-chemo appointment

The oncologist would like me to move my pre-chemo appointment to next Monday rather than wait until January. I don't know why they are suddenly deciding to move on that and it makes me nervous..... They were supposed to get back to me about what letter it was in addition to a "3". I haven't heard about that yet. I was looking at the books that the cancer society sent me and it looks like it should be an a or b but I'm not sure. If it's not in the lymph nodes like they say it wasn't than it should not be a "c"...... I think.

I finally got a call from family doctor. The x-ray did not show a fracture or a tumor. However it did show a degenerative disk disease (aka-arthritis) which I tried to tell them a few years ago and got nowhere. I guess treatments will depend on how the chemo treatments go. It is very painful at night when I need to roll back and forth or get up. I am hoping this clears somewhat before I need to be bedridden for the chemo.

I had a post about a little girl named Hannah who has a fatal form of brain cancer and they do not expect her to live much longer. Her Christmas wish was to receive as many Christmas cards as possible. Approx. 75 local fire apparatus showed up to take cards and gifts to Hannah.

Local news photos

More news footage

The grandfather stressed that every community has a little girl or boy like Hannah and you could extend your love to that child as well. Do some digging and find out what child in your area needs a little extra love!
It's hard to believe it's almost Christmas already. With all that went on, it just seemed to have snuck up on me. Physically I am ready. I bought the presents and sent the cards but mentally and emotionally it's hard to get into itthis year. I told Norm if they move up my chemo then they can move it to the 31st. I don't care if I have to spend another birthday in the hospital. I just want it to be over. (spent a previous birthday in the hospital due to a tubal pregnancy) Anyway, my 41st birthday will probably be nothing like my 40th. And that's okay...... I want to spend my 42nd one in remission!

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Spent the afternoon at the doctor's

I had fallen a few days after Thanksgiving. I've been having pain in my back around the right shoulder blade. It's worse when I lay down and have to get up or roll over. The dr. thinks I have a fracture He set me for x-rays. He should get the results tomorrow. Meanwhile, there isn't really a treatment for it..... just treat for pain until it heals. He gave me a heavy pain pill/muscle relaxer for night time and told me it will knock me out.... that I should go to bed by 9 if I need to get up by 6. He told me it should help with the pain. He said if something else is there, it will show up. (I asked him to make sure they check because now I am really paranoid about that.) He could tell just by looking at my back exactly where it hurt.....it must have been swollen or something.
I am glad he gave me something to knock me out because while I was gone the oncologist called and asked me to return their call before 4:30 or tomorrow. I just missed it by 10 minutes. I would probably wonder what they want all night.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Verses of promise

Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up. You will increase my honor and comfort me once again. Psalm 71:20-21
Norm and I were talking about the cancer again this morning and how I need to fight this. As I opened my Bible this morning for my devotions, I opened right to the verses above. I've been thinking about starting a section of verses of promise on here but it would get so long so maybe I will have to cruise the internet and find something to accomidate me.
A friend sent me a link to a story of a freind she knew. It brought tears to my eyes. It's a survivor story of a woman who had it worse than I and made it through. It's amazing how going through something like this just changes everything....how you look at things, how much you have, just everything. Here is her story.....
Here are also links to Ovarian Cancer Associations.
I would like to raise awareness of this disease. Often Ovarian cancer does not have any symptoms until it has progressed to a high stage. If you have any symptoms that I have listed to the right, especially of IBS, please run to your doctor and insist upon at least an ultrasound for your peace of mind. They just wrote my symptoms off as this or that and just told me to take fiber pills and I wish so badly that I had inisted they check it out. They might have been able to find it earlier and get it before it had progressed to far. As I was reading over my latest oncology report I received yesterday I thought how in the world did Icarry this monster and not realize it. No wonder I could not lose weight! Till they removed it, it was basically the size of an oversized newborn. I took off twenty pounds in a matter of a week so you know it had to be huge. I don't care how much your doctor is ready to commit you for "imagining" you have this disease or that disease....this disease is too silent and deadly to ignore. Run, don't walk!

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Hannah's wish

This is the true story of a 5-yr old Lititz girl, Hannah Garman, who was diagnosed with glioblastoma multiforme, a rare and incurable brain tumor. She has been given 12 weeks to live and is currently in her 7th week. She was going to be the flower girl at a wedding in May, but was diagnosed a week after we asked her to be the flower girl. This is especially sad because her mother died 2 yrs ago from breast cancer.
Right now she has lost most of her motor skills. She is confined to bed and cannot really do anything or play with the gifts she is getting from people, but she LOVES getting cards - she has gotten so many from people she does not know and just loves to have grandma read about the people who send them and see their pictures and is so proud of all her cards. Her room is just filled with cards.
When asked what she wants for Christmas she said she wants to see how many Christmas cards she can get. Many people have passed this wish along to their churches, prayer groups, friends and family. There are school groups where children are making her cards. People are including pictures so she can see who it is that is sending her the card.
If you would like to help with her wish, you can send a card to her at: Hannah Garman, 704 Orchard Rd, Lititz, PA 17543
THANKS! Feel free to pass this along to your own prayer group, church, school, etc. Let's see if we can have the cards coming in big postal bags for her this Christmas, since it will be her last holiday.
Hannah's website: http://www.caringbridge.org/cb/viewHome.do

Added note from a friend of her family: Hannah is an amazing little girl with such a great heart.. She truely is like her mother... And yes she LOVES card ESPECIALLY if the have Butterflies on them HINT HINT!! Butterflies were her mothers favorite thing in the world, and it is her only connection remaining to her Mother. (Her mother passed away a few years ago from cancer)

Snowy Tuesday

It's been snowing almost all day. The ground is covered but it's not accumulating much. They are expecting it to get icy tonight. Work went okay. I was exhausted yesterday. Did better today.

Lexi's choir sang on Sunday morning. She kept turning her head so it's hard to see her.


Nicole's school choir also sang Sunday afternoon. This is only a small part of the choir.


Norm and I in front of the Christmas tree


Monday, December 15, 2008

Heigh Ho Heigh Ho

Off to work I go........

Going back for a few hours this morning.
Was rough getting Lexi out of bed this morning. Lately she's been complaining about having to get up early. I told her, "Don't you remember last year when you would cry and cry because Tyler and Nicole got to go to school and you didn't?"
To which Lexi replied, "I wasn't crying! That was whining!"
Not the appropriate response, Lexi!

We've been having some anxiety issues with Tyler which have gotten worse since my diagnosis. Please keep us in prayer as we decide the best way to deal with them.

Yesterday Lexi sang in church. My parents came to hear her. Then Norm's parents came along to Nicole's concert in the afternoon. Afterwards, we taught them how to play Blokus.

Norm and I have been talking recently how God has been preparing us for this even when we didn't know it. Last spring I discovered Norm's blood pressure was really high so I had been getting on him to go to the doctor. He kept putting it off telling me he was okay.... he felt fine. Then in August God forced him to do something about it. He had gotten an abscess in his tooth. The dentist sent him to the oral surgeon who refused to do a thing until Norm's blood pressure was under control. At the time we looked at it and laughed but now we just shake our heads and realize how God had it all under control...... how He was orchestrating the entire thing because He knew that Norm would not have been able to handle it if he did not have his blood pressure under control. It could have caused a stroke or heart attack with all the stress with my diagnosis.

You Never Let Go
(Matt Redman)
See You-Tube on right
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I’m caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won’t turn back
I know You are near
And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?
Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me
And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We’ll live to know You here on the earth (Chorus)
Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troublesBut until that day comes
Still I will praise You, still I will praise You

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Christmas Lights

We think this is a YouTube of lights are not real far from where we live. We're not 100 % sure though. It looks a lot like his and they do play the same music. His display wasn't as big this year as they were other years. If you want to see them and you live close to us, email us or call us to ask where they are. It's neat to watch. He had gotten in trouble with his neighbors for playing the music out loud so now he broadcasts it over the radio. It's really cool to see! There is another light display close by as well you drive through. I took pics of that tonight as well but they didn't turn out. It's in a remote location but the traffic has nver been bad when we were there. Maybe one other car besides us....maybe two. If it doesn't work on my post, look for it on the right.

Tonight we also went to a place with a Santa Claus and they served free hot dogs, hot cocoa, candy and cookies. Lexi refused to sit on Santa's lap. "You told me NOT to talk to strangers!" Trying to figure out if we should be proud she listened to us or if we should be worried she is using our words against us.
Tyler also had a game this morning. Tyler made one of the few baskets and almost had another.
Been trying to work through some things personally. It's been rough emotionally. In fact I was looking forward to going back to work on Monday just to get my mind off my troubles. I would apprecaiate prayer for a hedge of protection around my mind because the devil is really attacking that area lately... That God would bind him in that area and that I would be filled with a peace.
Note: I had my kids look at this with me and we decided that although it was very similar, it is not the same house we saw. It's the same song and a lot of the same lights but they were set up a ittle different and there was no peace sign in the front yard of the one we saw.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Went out on a date last night

Norm and I decided we needed to have a night out last night since it's been so rough lately. We went to see an early movie, "Four Christmases" and then to supper at Hoss's Steak and Sea House. Norm brought me some roses which I thought was really sweet.
This morning we awoke to find we were living on a peninsula again. We had to walk out through the neighbor's yards to get the kids to school. My sister called to find out when she could bring her kayak. The water is down in the street now but it's still in the back yard.

Taken with Norm's phone.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008


We had the dog to the vet and he needs to go on a DIET. He needs to loe 20 pounds. Kids fel sorry for small amount he is allowed to have.
No sure if I should be worried or not. I am running a low grade fever. I guess I will keep an eye on it and hope it doesn't go up. I don't know at what point I should be worried and calling the doctor. Please pray.

Down Days

While I’m Waiting
Psalm 5:3, 27:14, 33:20, 37:7, 38:15, 40:1,
Isaiah 30:18, Lamentations 3:24
John Waller
I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently,
I will wait
I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I’m waiting
I will serve You
While I’m waiting
I will worship
While I’m waiting
I will not faint
I’ll be running the race
Even while I wait
I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it’s not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting on You, Lord
Today was a hard day emotionally. I think my first mistake was looking for others who survived ovarian cancer yesterday afternoon..... and ran across a blog of a woman who did not.
The blog ws finished by her daughter in law. I read this woman's symptoms and it was the same as what I had that I knew something was wrong. The second stupid mistake was letting Norm read it...... then we were both basket cases. We both vowed we will not read any more. Sigh. You just go from disbelief wishing you could just sweep it under a rug to periods of fear and sadness.
We've been reading a book called "Hope In The Face of Cancer" by Amy Givler, MD. Norm had started it the other day and recommended it. He thought it was good so I started it.
Yesterday Lexi's teacher stopped me after school and told me she was bringing something to our house. It was two boxes of all kinds of cookies. I bet there was over 12 dozen there. It looked like all of the teachers contriuted a dozen of something each. There were so many different kids! My fav's were the choc. covered peanut butter crackers and some cookie with a peanut butter cup in the middle. I think I see a theme here. :)
I've been blessed though by so many women who have contacted me with their cancer stories of survival. It gives me hope. It's so overwhelming just thinking about all the people who have been praying for me. We heave heard from so many who said they were praying and praying in their church..... some people we don't even know. With so many people storming the gates, you'd think He would choose to ure me either by miracle or by modern medicine. I just pray that God gives the doctor's who are possibly studying yet but hopefully done wth it by now, supernatural wisdom as well as the doctor who is treating me. I think my biggest fear is "what if it comes back" or "what if it's someplace else in my body and they don't know it?" I didn't even realize it was there till it was impossible to ignore. I've been having a lot of pain in my right shoulder blade. I had injured my shulder a decade ago, reinjured it a year ago and fell again the day we got the Christmas tree this year. I know it's paranoia but you just wonder if the pain is cancer or that strange spot that "magically appeared" is cancer.
So I keep tying to look up and keep listening to such songs as "While I'm Waiting". I count my blessings.....such as the fact that it was not in my lymph nodes....... Taking one day at a time.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Pray for Gavin!

I want to send out a call for special prayer for Gavin, age 7, who is fighting Burkitt's lymphoma. He had been in remission but it has returned and none of their cancer treatments seem to be working. He is set to come home under care of Hospice. Please also keep his family in prayer as this is a hard, hard place to be.

We had went to my fil's this morning because he needed help with something. We also stopped at a local reusit shop to get some pants/trousers for work after stopping at a local open air market where they had some over the summer. I had a feeling it was too cold for them to be there but we had checked anyway.

I think spirits were better today than yesterday. One thing that came out of it is that Norm and I had gotten so much closer and we are learning a lot about communication and being open and honest with each other. We are also eating healthier and are learning about pride.

I've been a lot more emotional. I don't know if it's from the hysterectomy or the knowledge of cancer or both. Things that make me cry? Seeing the hurt and pain in the eyes of my family, seeing children suffer, the overwhelming generosity of friends, being told by a complete stranger that we have been in their prayers, being told by a family member that they love me...... and the list goes on......

What is really sad is the people who are struggling with it and do not have the support we have. I've been reading blogs and you can tell who do not have the support of love and prayers just by the language and expressions used. You just want to reach out and help them.....give them the same thing that others have given us. Give them the same hope.

Monday, December 8, 2008


Arms Of Love
(Gary Chapman, Michael W. Smith, Amy Grant)
Lord, I'm really glad you're here
Hope You feel the same
When You see all my fear
And how I fail
I fall sometimes
It's hard to walk in shifting sand
I miss the rock and find
I've nowhere left to stand
I start to cry
Lord, please help me
Raise my hand, so You can pick me up
Hold me close, hold me tighter

[Chorus:] I have found a place where I can hide
It's safe inside
Your arms of love
Like a child who's held throughout a storm
You keep me warm
In Your arms of love

Storms will come and storms will go
Wonder just how many storms
It takes until I finally know
You're here always
Even when my skies are far from gray,
I can stay
Teach me to stay there
Songs like this often come to my mind when I am in need of comfort from the Father. People often ask how I'm doing. There are a couple of answers. Physically, from the hysterectomy, I feel like I am gaining strength every day. Emotionally, we have our good and bad days. I'm already tired of needles and I didn't even get to the chemo yet. Then when I think about the children who have to endure this when they have cancer, it just makes me so sad for them. It's bad enough to be a whiny adult but to know there are children enduring this on a daily basis even as I write this.... you have got to give those kids so much credit because they are being thrown into a situation they don't want to be in and should not have to. No one should have to but it happens and it's just harder t imagine a child enduring the pain and discomfort to rid themselves of a horrific disease. There is a little girl from my church who has been treated for leukemia and is in remission. Everytime I think about what I may have to go through, I think of her. If she could go through it, so can I. You might say she is my inspiration. I want to look at survivors who have gone through this before me especially brave children like her and be inspired to endure.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Please pray

For Gavin in my prayer request section. His situation is not looking too well right now.

Windy and C-C-COLD!

Went to church today. I can tell my strength is returning because I was able to stand through all the songs during Worship. Last week I had to sit down after two. Spent the afternoon watching the Eagles and Steelers Games on TV. Nice relaxing afternoon!
Tomorrow I need to go for some bloodwork and need to stop at a nearby store while we are in the area.
It's been stressful... we have our good days and bad days. It's hard to believe that while I am feeling so good that there is something so bad growing inside. And that while feeling so good I have to go into the hospital in five weeks to take medicine that will make me feel bad. In some ways it just doesn't make sense. It's strange looking at the booklets we got from the cancer society and the catalog for supplies in case I lose my hair. I know I need to get on it and do some research so we can go to the doctor fully equipped with questions that will hopefully sound remotely smart. I have this on week to get that done and a few other things before I go back to work for a week and a half.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Saturday Snow Day

It was snowing this afternoon. Norm and I had went up to a mall north of us to look around. We got some things for the kids' stockings at the Dollar Tree. Then we went to K-mart to pick up a layaway.

We talked to Lexi this afternoon as well. I had ordered a book to read to her. It seemed to help. I thought we need to talk to her because she's been crying more recently.

Tyler played basketball this morning. They played well for their first game.



Friday, December 5, 2008


Tonight we went to see the high school's production of "The Mouse That Roared". Nicole played the Page. It was a rather amusing role and everyone seemed to enjoy her performance..... and no, being her mother does not make me biased in the smallest of bits.

Nicole the Page making a proclamation........





Nicole and Lexi


Nicole and her grandma


Dad and Nicole


Nicole, Lexi and I

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Rainy day

I had an appointment with family doctor this afternoon mostly to le him know what was going on and consult for care about other ongoing conditions as now related to the cancer. I asked him for my peace of mind to check the spots on my back as I had some removed a few years and have been negligent as far as keeping an eye on them. He thought they looked okay and he checked to make sure I had no more.
Realy tired today....mostly because I didn't get enough sleep last night...... mostly because Norm worked second shift last night and then got up early this morning to work days. Tried napping but had too many things going through my mind....I'm sure you know how that is. Will be more than ready for bed tonight!
My appointment was orig. scheduled for this morning but they had to postpone..... so my mom took me into K-mart with her.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Return to surgeon

Today we went back to the sugeon. She is pleased with my progress and told me I should really start feeling well over these next two weeks. In fact she cleared me to return to work on the 15th. After we left there we stopped at the cancer society. We were recommended to go there. We brought home lots of stuff to read although they did not have much on ovarian cancer. Then we were halfway home when we remembered we forgot to get a note from the surgeon to return to work so we turned around and went back to get it. Drove the whole way back to our hometown to give my boss the paper. She is being very accomidating with me returnng to work which I am glad because I was worried about tiring out. Then we got home and I realized I did not have my purse. Called around and discovered I left it at cancer society which made me mad at myself that we had to turn around and run back into the city again! I needed it because it had my wallet with insurance cards and my checkbook happened to be in there. There wasn't any money or crdit cards so I wasn't worried on that end but I knew I needed my insurance cards, checkbook keys and drivers license because I was finally cleared to drive. So we drove all the way back and then stopped for lunch on the way home.
It was hitting Norm hard today. For one it was surreal that we even had to go to the cancer society. Other than being tired, I feel great. It's just hard to believe. For lunch we went to BK.....the same one we went to on our first date. It was a little bittersweet.
We had asked for the surgeon report and the preliminary path report. I told our surgeon that I am a little frustrated that they don't have results yet and she assured me that because of it's rarity they needed to know exactly what it was to treat me properly and get a proper prognosis. I read in the path report that my type was more seen in teenagers...that it is rarely seen in women my age. I wasn't sure if I was able to take solace in that. We will need to look up a lot of words before we can even begin to understand the rest of the path report. I wish there was a Babel Fish translatr to put doctor reports into plain English.
So now we have to go through the holidays pretending there isn't a giant thing hanging over us. We want it to be normal for the kids as much as possible.

Monday, December 1, 2008

A month since my surgery

Yesterday marked a month since my surgery. We went to church first hour. It was nice to be back.

Later on in the afternoon we went to see our new nephew, Mason, who is two weeks old.