Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Down Days

While I’m Waiting
Psalm 5:3, 27:14, 33:20, 37:7, 38:15, 40:1,
Isaiah 30:18, Lamentations 3:24
John Waller
I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently,
I will wait
I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I’m waiting
I will serve You
While I’m waiting
I will worship
While I’m waiting
I will not faint
I’ll be running the race
Even while I wait
I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it’s not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting on You, Lord
Today was a hard day emotionally. I think my first mistake was looking for others who survived ovarian cancer yesterday afternoon..... and ran across a blog of a woman who did not.
The blog ws finished by her daughter in law. I read this woman's symptoms and it was the same as what I had that I knew something was wrong. The second stupid mistake was letting Norm read it...... then we were both basket cases. We both vowed we will not read any more. Sigh. You just go from disbelief wishing you could just sweep it under a rug to periods of fear and sadness.
We've been reading a book called "Hope In The Face of Cancer" by Amy Givler, MD. Norm had started it the other day and recommended it. He thought it was good so I started it.
Yesterday Lexi's teacher stopped me after school and told me she was bringing something to our house. It was two boxes of all kinds of cookies. I bet there was over 12 dozen there. It looked like all of the teachers contriuted a dozen of something each. There were so many different kids! My fav's were the choc. covered peanut butter crackers and some cookie with a peanut butter cup in the middle. I think I see a theme here. :)
I've been blessed though by so many women who have contacted me with their cancer stories of survival. It gives me hope. It's so overwhelming just thinking about all the people who have been praying for me. We heave heard from so many who said they were praying and praying in their church..... some people we don't even know. With so many people storming the gates, you'd think He would choose to ure me either by miracle or by modern medicine. I just pray that God gives the doctor's who are possibly studying yet but hopefully done wth it by now, supernatural wisdom as well as the doctor who is treating me. I think my biggest fear is "what if it comes back" or "what if it's someplace else in my body and they don't know it?" I didn't even realize it was there till it was impossible to ignore. I've been having a lot of pain in my right shoulder blade. I had injured my shulder a decade ago, reinjured it a year ago and fell again the day we got the Christmas tree this year. I know it's paranoia but you just wonder if the pain is cancer or that strange spot that "magically appeared" is cancer.
So I keep tying to look up and keep listening to such songs as "While I'm Waiting". I count my blessings.....such as the fact that it was not in my lymph nodes....... Taking one day at a time.


marykay said...

Hi Denise, your faces of courage list is longer! Thats awesome! I'm glad you are meeting all these inspirations! Gosh, the lyrics to this song is touching, I like it. Cancer survival rates are the highest than ever before and medical technology and medicines are helping. Like I suggested, just keep asking all your questions and learn as much as you can about it so you can make informed decisions and question your doctorss. I have the same prayers as you Denise, when I'm praying for the sick, I ask God to give Doctors and scientists the wisdom and perserverance and blessings to discover treatments and cures. Hey you made me chuckle about your peanut butter cookies of all sorts..hee hee. I can imagine how yummy they are esp with a nice cup of hot cocoa or coffee! Take care dear and have a great day...I'm trying to finish up my work right now and giving me a time limit on it so I can go out and about later to shop...I still have a little over a week left for school....God bless you and your family..

mamayati said...

Hi Denise, it has been a year since I was diagnosed with stage 3 and some of my lymph nodes were affected.Completed 6 rounds of chemotherapy sessions and 20 rounds of radiotherapy.Any unusual pain would give me a reason to panic. Every time I go for my follow up treatment, I would be asking my doctors so many questions about the possibilities of recurrence. At one point, she calmly told me that I should live my life one day at a time and not be worried about what's in the future for it's beyond our control...Come to think of it, well she's right. Let's take one day at a time..