Saturday, January 31, 2009

Very tiring shopping trip

We had traveled to an outlet today we had gotten a gift card for and spent the day shopping. We are all very tired. It didn't take long for Lexi to crash and Norm os also out on his lounge chair. I was pleased at all I got for her but had been hoping to find more for Tyler. It was hard to find clothes in his size. Most of the stores either had small children or adult......very little in his size, esp. since he wears Slims. Got Nicole an outfit or two and I got an outfit. We all got at least one book. Norm and I plan to go back sometime later when the chemo is over......without kids......

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Yay! My counts went back up!

Been feeling in a funk the past few days but late this afternoon I finally got word that my counts went back up so I can go in next week and get another round over with. I'm not looking forwad to going in, especially for so many days but I just want it to be done..... over...... completed. So now I have to wrap my mind not only with packing for the hospital but packing my kids stuff while they stay at my mom's and my sister's. I also have to "pack" Coby for the kennel we are putting him at....although that is just packing his food.
Norm is turning 40 this Sunday. I could not plan a party this year but I did have a few other ideas that I hope all work out.
Lexi keeps asking that I pray for her fishie to be healed and that we can get him out of the toilet. Not sure what she will say when it doesn't happen. I thought about getting her something else but I just don't know what...... something maintainance free..... a pet rock, perhaps?

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Ham and Snow

Coby is such a ham, when he sees the camera he goes crazy.
He actually posed for about 8 pics but I only uploaded three.
All poses were HIS idea!

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We got snow today. Since I'm not allowed to shovel, I made all three go out to shovel.
They were so tired till they were done, they didn't even sled in it! Just wanted to
come in, rest and get warm. I figured now they would get an idea as to why
some adults don't appreciate snow.

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Well, we got the snow

And there is no school today...... we got some snow overnight but now we have ice. I just told the kids they will have to go out and shovel because I am not allowed to. As you can probably guess they were "extremely happy" about that. I even gave Lexi a part to shovel. They can't say a whole lot because the part I gave Nicole and Tyler to share is not that much and they have two people to finish the job compared to me doing it alone.
Norm got called in to work so he is busy shoveling snow at the school where he works.
I will have to post pics later of the pretty snow.
Nicole told me the other day that she saw five very fat squirrels sitting in a circle in my yard the other day...... probably having a meeting about the smorgasbord I have out for them. She told me she thought they were unusually fat for squirrels. I told my sister, Deb, that the squirrels are enjoying the very large bag of sunflower seeds she had given my other sister, my mom and I for Christmas. "The squirrels?!" Somehow I don't think her intent was to feed my squirrels...... wasn't my intent either........
Listen to your body!
Don't let a doctor tell you it's all in your head!

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Will we actually get snow this time? THAT is the question!

Due to a ridiculous one inch of snow, our school had a two hour delay. Personally, I think they should have waited because they are expecting heavy snows this afternoon and, if they need to send them home early, it would count. Anyway, it did mean extra time to relax in bed.....until Lexi made her little discovery. "Mom! There's something wrong with my fish!"
"Oh, no!" I groaned. Followed her downstairs to find the fish floating peacefully on it's side. "I'm sorry, honey. Your fish died."
"It died?" I nodded my head. "But why?"
"Well, I guess your fish was sick."
"It was?......... Are you going to die, too?" That about broke my heart.
She wanted to know what I was going to do with it. I told her we'd flush it. She didn't like that idea and wanted to know what else we could do. I told her we could throw it in the trash or flush down the toilet because there was no way I was going to get a hole dug. She asked what we did with Tyler's fish and I told her about their watery gravy so she opted for the toilet. The fact that the carnival won fish lasted six months in a dirty, unfiltered fishbowl and was often forgotten to be fed for days at a time.....well, that in itself is a modern day miracle.... especially when before Norm had spent about $100 on a fancy aquarium and store bought fish that lasted maybe two weeks......I emailed her teacher in case she was down in school just to let her know.


Norm and I went walking today in church in the gym. I asked a lady when we got there how many times around makes a mile.
She answered "sixteen".
"16?!!!"
"Yeah, will that be a problem?" We made it 14 times around before I started to feel a little tired and opted to stop so I don't overdo and prevent my counts from rising.


Today was the day we were supposed to go to the hospital. I think we are over our disappointment and are concentrating on next week.
Tonight we are to get "several inches of snow." I will believe it when I see it. It's to change to ice overnight which should make for a mess tomorrow. I'm not wishing for the snow since I am not allowed to shovel and I would have to wait for Norm to have time to get to it and he will be tired doing it for his job.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Praying for my counts to rise.

We had won a gift card to a local outlet so I am hoping my counts will rise till this weekend so we can go down. Lexi needs pants really bad, preferably jeans. My sister had gotten her two pair but I had to throw some out. I had gotten them used to begin with but she wears holes in her pants. She's my little tomboy. Her and Ty are picky about their jeans....not the type but the enclosures on them. They don't like buttons.....just snaps. Some stores only sell them with buttons so they can be hard to find. I also hope to get her some black Sunday shoes.
I've just been jammin' with "Shackles" by Mary Mary. If you ever want to hear a pumped up praise song, listen to that. It always raises my spirits.
This morning we had Norm to his stomach doctor. He has to do another scope down his stomach in March. They said he had a pretty bad bleed. He has to make some dietary modifications...... mostly avoiding greasy stuff and stuff that causes acid like citrus fruits. He's to stop decaffeinated products.....or at least cut way back on them. They said he did have a large ulcer in his esophagus as well as A.R. They also advised some weight loss. There are also some pain meds he can no longer have due them irritating his esophagus. It's not drastic changes to which we are grateful. They warned him to stay away from spicy foods which he generally already does.
I, meanwhile, try to get some rest in hopes that my blood counts return to normal.
My sister stopped by yesterday with a used sewing machine. I've been wanting one for awhile. this was an extra one she had gotten from a client. Se also gave my wig a haircut as it was completely unmanageable.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Saturday Sadness

I think both Norm and I are feeling a bit down today. It was a disappointment not to be able to get another week of chemo over with. I've been trying to take in that disappointment as well as my almost bald head. It wasn't a shock but it just seems like it's another reminder of the monster we are fighting. I told Norm that I did not write my story to be this way. I guess God did and He knows what twists and turns my story will take. He knows the ending. I just have to trust him. I guess we were wondering how can we help this or what could we hae done differently but in talking to others who have gone through this before us, it's a pretty normal side effect of the chemo. I just pray we don't have this set back with the next one although it's also a good possibility. We had just hoped to be done till March.
I would like to create awareness for this disease. It is often mistaken for other things. My own family doctors didn't take my concerns seriously that I had been complaining about for over a year. If they had, we may have found it a lot sooner. They were the first targets of my Ovarian cancer campaign. I don't hold anything against them except being a little mad that they told me some of the stuff was in my head. I also emailed President Obama. Yep, you read that right. I didn't vote for him and I don't seek money from him or wish to be his best friend but I would love it if he would help. What would possess me to even consider it? Because I heard he has personal experience with it. I heard his mother died from Ovarian cancer. See link. Now I am not naive enough to believe he is going to jump on the band wagon to help me but I felt it does not hurt to ask.
I was thinking today how God worked it so that a cancer group was placed on someone's mind to be formed shortly before I was diagnosed and now my friend was. It was like God was providing this for us, however there are also others who have cancer or have had it before and maybe there are some who are battling it and haven't told anyone. I just pray for all of them. Our neighbor down the street is also fighting cancer and her prognosis is not good and yet she keeps offering to help us. I wonder if she gets the support she needs. Norm also has the support from a teacher at his school where he works. All of them support him but she is often his sounding board when he has a question or concern about me. She's also given us good advice about things. She is still batting from the after affects of her cancer.
I recently also talked to another cancer survivor who has been keeping in touch. She mentioned about the anger part..... being angry for having cancer. I know how she feels. Sometimes I feel that way. i ask, "Why me?" But then it's like I hear a voice back, "Why not you?" Who am I to feel like I do not deserve to get it? I'm no better than anyone else who got it or may get it. God is just letting me know that He is the author of my story.
Last week we went to Gavin's viewing. I had forgotten that I had mentioned my cancer on his care page, but I was surprised that they knew exactly who I was and what I had. Maybe the hat gave it away. :D This was the church I grew up in but I didn't know how many knew me or remembered me. Since then I had been getting cards from members of that church in support. Whoever did the display for Gavin did an awesome job. There was even a book there of all the carepages his mother blogged about it. Apparently the hospital gave it to them as a keepsake. There were so many things there I am sure they will cherish for years to come. The thing that brought the tears to my eyes was a photo of him and two other boys. It was titled "The Three Musketeers." I don't know if the boys were brothers, cousins or his buddies but it just made me think that they are no longer the three Musketeers and what will happen to the other two now. It was really emotional to look at that photo. The last care page his mother wrote said they are adjusting pretty well and his one brother keeps talking about Gavin being in heaven. How awesome to have that promise of heaven to look forward to!
"In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going." John 14:2-4

Friday, January 23, 2009

Chemo pushed off a week.

My oncology nurse called me this afternoon to tell me that my chemo has been pushed off until February 3. My bloodwork this morning showed that my blood counts are too low.....I am to stay away from sick people and not over exert myself. She said that does not mean I am to lay around all day though because I asked if I could walk up to get my children from school since it's the only nice day so far. Was a little bummed out. Had hoped to get it over with.
Norm shaved my head for me since I was developing bald spots on my head. Wasn't thrilled about it but the falling out hair was driving me crazy.....so now I wear wigs and hats.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Can somebody get me a curry comb?

My hair is starting to fall out. Not that I didn't expect to but I was hoping that was one side efffect that wouldn't happen. It drives me crazy so I pick at my hair which drives Norm crazy. He offered to shave it completely off for me. I guess I'm reluctant to let it go......but ti's only har. I told my sister I will soon be sporitng the Howie Mandell look and, well, he sports it so well, how hard can it be? LOL. I told Norm it just makes the cancer more real.
Nicole is supposed to come home today. Lexi will be so happy to see her big sister..... I just hope they get in before I have to put Lexi to bed. I think Tyler misses her too.
This morning we had to run to the social security office for something and then we stopped at a Christian bookstore so I could get library supplies. I did not realize until I was walking through the store that there was anew Karen Kingsbury book out. I also found some DVD's I thought they may be able to use for Sunday School classes. I didn't buy many books as I alread have a lot to go through and get into the library.....may take a couple of days.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

A little stressed

Tonight I was experiencing some similar symptoms to when I was first diagnosed so I am freaking out a little. I plan to call the doctor about it tomorrow. He is going to get tired of me but after last week he had better have learned to take my concerns seriously.
We had planned on looking up the social security office tomorrow and stopping by a Christian book store if it is open. I heard rumors it's not.
We tried going into the city today and ended up turning around due to bad ice. I cannot see why the state cannot take better care of the one main road. We went around the one major hill to get to where Norm needed bloodwork done but even on the straight away we were sliding. I was the one who had wanted to go to begin with and so i told Norm let's just go home. As it was it took 4 times longer to get back to hometown than it should have.
This afternoon after running back to school for Ty's glasses, I had my mil's sister stop by to visit. She was helping me with a project I am doing for MIL's 70th birthday on the 8th. I hope to finish it this week since next week is out.
Everyone is talking about Barack Obama. Some people who voted against him are worried. I prefer to just sit back and wait to see what he does. maybe he won't be so bad and I want to give him the benefit of a doubt. It does not hurt to pray for him.....not because he got control of the country and it's gonna "fall apart" but because is in charge and he will need heavenly wisdom. We don't know if he is a Christian but he does go to church so I am hoping he will search for God's wisdom and that is something to pray about. Pretty near every president had made some kind of mistake so I think Mr Obama should get that same chance.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Snowing today

Today I needed to visit my family doctor. My oncologist took me off my blood pressure med and referred me to my family physician for ongoing care. My family doctor decided to let me off for the next six weeks due to my problems with dehydration.....at least until after the chemo is finished.
Yesterday I went to church again and people seemed surprised as to how well I looked. I didn't tell them that I had a little help from Clarion moisturizing foundation. My skin had been looking really dry and not nice looking so I decided to look for something to add moisture especially since the dehydration issues. It made a world of difference..... that and the new haircut which is growing on me....literally. LOL.
Somebody had on someplace where you are supposed to write 16 things about yourself. I will try for ten......
1. I learn music quicker by ear than by reading.
2. When I was younger I learned Psalm 100 without realizing till later in life. (thanks to Bill Gaither)
3. I get panic attacks when things move too quickly around me.
4. I am great with maps.
5. I used to work as a nursing assistant and enjoyed it for the most part.
6. I was once carried away by a runaway horse.
7. I lost a baby three and a half months after giving birth to Lexi.
8. I once owned an attack dwarf rabbit. Norm as afraid of it and made me give it away before he married me.
9. I origionally injured my rotator cuff several years ago breaking into my parents house. I had been caring for their dog and locked my keys inside.
10. This current haircut had been the first time I have had my hair cut professionally since before I was married.

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Saturday, January 17, 2009

Rock Star!

Lexi took one look at my hair when I got out of the shower, giggled, and told me I look like a Rock Star.


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Today Tyler had a basketball game and after that we ran some errands. I blacked out th name of town on their shirts as well as the insignia.



Tyler,in center, holding ball.
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Friday, January 16, 2009

They lasted till 2:00

Today my kids had off school. We took Nicole in the subfreezing weather to school to leave for her band trip. When I say subfreezing, I mean wind chills well below zero! Then we hurried home for breakfast, working the budget and then off to the dentist for Lexi and Tyler.
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The hygentist was funny. He took them both at once. He did Lexi first and then Ty. While doing Tyler he called Lexi over to look. Then he held up the sprayer and proceeded to squirt Tyler in the mouth pulling away as he did so. Tyler almost choked from laughing. Later he did Ty's treatment and told him that because of the treatment, he didn't need to go to school for two days. It took Tyler a few seconds to get that he already had a few days off and the hygentist was joking.
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Came home and had to get lunch before Norm went to work. Then the nurse came and was here awhile. She said everything looked good except my b/p which was a little low. She told me to call my dr. to check if I need b/p meds. Waiting on return call from that. I showed her the bruising, and she said that is pretty much normal.
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The kids were getting along really well till about 2:00 when a fight erupted. Had them on t/o for awhile and told them if they fight more, they will go back.
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Norm and I were talking the other day how "While I'm Waiting" seems to constantly come on when we are experiencing low points or stress. It's sort of became our song.
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Somebody had brought a box of Clementines and I have been putting them down like anything. It's great because it helps with the fluid intake I need but I was wondering if I could get too much Vitamin C...... I am eating a lot of them! Right now they taste better than candy.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Achin' and painin'

You can tell a change is taking place. We had been noticing the change in my hair......it's been a lot drier lately and tangly. I even extra conditioned it and it didn't help so that is why I did the chop-chop. I didn't want to see all that hair fall out. BTW, thanks to Pam for cutting my and Norm's hair. Great job! Probably not a smart move for me to get it done before the plummet in temps though. It's been a bit cold! Duh moment, I'm sure!
All the places where they tried getting an IV are now sore to me. I thought at first it was my imagination and then started finding black and blue marks which they said would happen, but if you see them, you have my permission to jive Norm about abusing his poor wife stricken with cancer. Photobucket Lay it on thick! Photobucket Been feeling more tired and struggling with the dehydration thing. Also got to watch if I stand up after leaning down. Wow! What a rush! And not a pleasant one! I was trying to look at something on a lower shelf today and went to stand up and WHOA! Room spinning!

Well, tomorow my teenage daughter becomes the smart one of the family and heads to Florida in the midst of this deep freeze. They are expecting wind chills well below ZERO......and I mean waaay well! Wish I was going too! You can't hardly breathe and the chill gives us headahes. I got them being out and so did Tyler complain of it.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Want a shock?

I asked a friend to cut my hair short so that I'm not in as much of a state of shock when it starts falling out........

BEFORE:

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AFTER:

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Are you sure you are ready for this?
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Maybe you should sit down first.........
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And have some smelling salts handy......
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Maybe a fan.......
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It's going to be a shock, I promise you!
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Well, consider yourself warned!
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Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Ended up at dr this morning

I haven't been feeling right lately and this morning had issues with fighting blacking out. My sister took me to the doctor and it was discovered I am dehydrated....... which Norm has been getting on me about. I am trying to force fluids but it's hard when you also fight nausea. My sister got me 4 cases of gatorade to drink. I asked the doctor for a paper telling my husband he can't say "I told you so" but the dr refused with a bit of a snicker on his face and told me that is Norm's job as my husband. Foiled again!
He did decide that I will start next treatment on Tuesday January 27 and go for about 5 days. I will need admitted first for some kind of test first.
Well, I need to get off and lay down some more so I will update later.

Monday, January 12, 2009

With Heavy Hearts

We had a bit of bad news. First off, Gavin lost his battle with cancer last night and went home to be with Jesus where he will be forever healed. Please remember his family through this.
Secondly, we learned yesterday that a friend from church had a reoccurance of her cancer and will have to get some radiation therapy. I will not mention a name yet as I don't know if all of her family knows.
I have been having issues with sleeping at night due to nausea. I think I saw every hour last night due to feeling sick or uncomfortable. It's been hard to keep a clear mind during the day with not sleeping. I noticed as it is that it's really hard to concentrate on conversations. I'm not sure if that is from the chemo drugs affecting me or if it's from sheer exhaustion. Norm took off today to care for me. I had decided to go to church on Sunday but later regretted doing so because I discovered that I got dizzy with all the standing while talking to people and it was hard to maintain a conversation. I am hoping as the chemo works its way from my system that I will be better to sleep at night and then possibly go to work even if it is light duty. I think sometimes I wish I had not gotten it because I hate having to take off so much or be under special conditions. I did not want to return to the work force like this. But it is what it is..... I know I need to trust God to work it all out.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Finally home

It wet okay for the most part. Had difficulty with the IV lines. I am a very hard stick and the chemo was not easy on my body. They kept having to stick, stick, remove that one and stick me again and again. This went on every day. Not a pleasant experience! Yesterday my cancer doctor eve tried sticking me for an IV.....he gave up and ordered me a PIC line which I still have in and is supposed to be here through my other cancer chemo treatments. If you know how squeamish I am about needles and invasive procedures, you will know it was not fun. When they came to do it, I told them I want to know as little about what they are doing as possible because I knew my stomach/nerves could not handle it.
On Wednesday I had a reaction to one of my chemo meds. It was set up to go in quickly. I started feeling really warm in my stomach which traveled up to my head and made me really woozy and I started feeling like I would pass out. They called the doctor who ordered a slower drip. I'm not sure how they will handle it next time. It was funny how the male nurse in charge of me reacted. I must have gotten really flushed and so the next few nights whenever I rang the bell he huffed it into my room looking worried and asked if I was flushed or feeling okay. Most times it was for the cantankerous IV pump which was going off constantly which is partially why I needed so many new IV lines. In fact on Friday when they took out my last IV, the needle was bent.
Now I will be having ladies come in to teach us how to flush my PIC line. I am hoping Norm has the stomach for that because I don't know if I do. He told me today that when he promised 18 years ago in sickness and health that he was getting in for any of this. I guess no one does. Cancer is not planned. It just happens. And just because there is none in your family does not make you less likely to get it. In fact it's almost worst because it just takes you by surprise.
So I am at home, a little nauseous and very tired and a little worn for the wear however my dear beloved husband told me I am a trooper. I was told I could go to church tomorrow.... that my counts will probably not affect me for a week yet. I may try depending on how I feel and the current weather conditions. Right now it is snowing.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Chemo tomorrow

We were at the oncologist this morning and had all tests done for tomorrow so we are set to go........ however if it's icy we may need to borrow some ice skates to get to the hospital tomorrow. Photobucket

Please keep us in prayer. I will be receiving the chemo - inpatient - for hopefully 3 days or less. Photobucket The oncologist also dropped the fact that he may increase the time for the next chemo treatment to five days if my body tolerates it this time. He also said it will be 3- 4 treatments.He did seem very optimistic that this should take care of it but time will tell as most of the spots, currently the size of a grain of rice and smaller, will be impossible to pick up on a scan.

He also announced that he just formed our county's first Ovarian Cancer Forum or something like that and my bowling ball size tumor was their first subject of study....... I forget how many slides he said they had to look at. It was a lot. I wonder if I should get royalties from that........ Photobucket

They said we could hook up our computers Photobucket there so I may try and take a borrowed laptop in and see if I can get it to work in there so I can keep everyone updated.

We cherish your prayers! Photobucket It is often that I feel down and then remember how many people are praying and it helps a lot!

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Home Again!

We left on Friday afternoon for Willow Valley Resort south of Lancaster, PA.
We had tickets to go and see Miracle of Christmas at Sight and Sound Millenium Theater.
The set, including live animals and awesome special effects were amazing!

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On Saturday we started at an Amish farm for a tour. We even took a buggy ride later.
Actually we first stopped at a shoe store to get some socks for me because I forgot to pack some and to replce my boots that came apart. I thought shopping was a great way to spend one's vacation. Norm thought differently.... till I got him his hat below.

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Then we headed to Strasburg for the Choo Choo barn which is a huge O-gauge train display.



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Back at the motel we got our pictures taken at this sleigh.

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The next day (Sunday or today) we dressed up for brunch in the Palm Court.
First though we had another picture taking session.

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I told Nicole to see if Norm's smile got bigger in his new hat.
She said, "Yes, it did."


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"Can't we stay longer?"


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We came home and then took the kids for one last hurrah..... to the theater to see "Marley and I". It was fun but all are very tired!

Not looking forward to this week. I start the chemo on Wednesday but must go to the doctor on Tuesday for tests and last minute consultation. Please continue to keep us in your prayers!

Thursday, January 1, 2009

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Today we went down to my mom's side of the family for a gathering. We met in the activity room of a nursing home facility. There was also a pool for our use. My mom hadn't felt good overnight(Stomach virus) and my dad was really tired from also being up so we left early.
We leave tomorrow afternoon for our weekend away thanks to friends from church. We are heading to a resort south of Lancaster, PA. It worked out good as Saturday is also my birthday. We will be back on Sunday so maybe Sunday evening or Monday morning I can put some photos up.

Not far from my mind is the upcoming chemo therapy next Wednesday. Please keep us in your prayers.




Opening Christmas Presents before heading back to hospital to admit Norm.

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Welcoming Norm home from the hospital


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My mom's side of the family at the gathering today. I emailed it to my aunt and told her that everyone is smiling pretty and then I looked at her and her husband........ This is only probably about half of us. My grandfather was in the middle on the chair.


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