The Fall Of Two Stars

Two well-known icons passed away today. Probably the most shocking was Michael Jackson. He succumbed to a heart attack. The other was Farrah Fawcett. I think she was the one who I identified with most. I was not a big fan of Michael, but, while I was not a Farrah follower either I really identified with her this year since we were both battling cancer. I was most moved by her courage and faith. Many thought went through my mind as I watched the Dateline special tonight remembering her life. One is wondering what it was like to die. Maybe this is a bit morbid but when you face cancer it becomes and every day reality that refuses to leave. A little over a year ago I "watched" an aunt die from stomach cancer and you wonder if you could face it with such courage if you were that sick. I mean I know where I am going but you worry about those you leave behind and you wonder what the whole process is like. This year has been hard to face with my own but, after I was diagnosed, it was one friend after another and that alone is enough to knock the wind from your sails. I know I have been struggling with an emotional feeling that I can't pin point and I don't know if it's fear of recurring or if it's survivor guilt or just a hormonal imbalance. There has been a lot of emotional triggers lately.

For me the saddest part of Farrah's whole story was her son....... he has to miss probably the most important, pivotal moment of his life because of choices he made. We all probably know someone who is making unwise choices and it just saddens me to know that these choices could have devastating consequences for those people. All you can do is pray for them and stand behind them to help pick them up if they fall.

.

I can count a million times

People asking me how I

Can praise You with all that I've gone through

The question just amazes me

Can circumstances possibly

Change who I forever am in You

.

Maybe since my life was changed

Long before these rainy days

It's never really ever crossed my mind

To turn my back on you, oh Lord

My only shelter from the storm

But instead I draw closer through these times

.

So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace

Bring the chance to be free

Bring me anything that brings You glory

And I know there'll be days

When this life brings me pain

But if that's what it takes to praise You

Jesus, bring the rain

.

I am yours regardless of

the clouds that may loom above

because you are much greater than my pain

you who made a way for me

suffering your destiny so tell me

whats a little rain

So I pray
Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain

Holy, holy, holy

Holy, holy, holy

is the lord God almighty

is the lord God almighty

Holy, holy, holy
Holy, holy, holy
is the lord God almighty
is the lord God almighty

Summer Quickly Passing

Today I had to take Lexi to the school's summer program since she will need a little more help. I've been feeling a little guilty about it since, because of being ill, I was not able to spend the time with her that she needed.

I've been feeling down a little lately.....not really any one thing but a combination of several. I also thought about talking to my doctor about changing a medication to see if that helps because it started after being on that. I'm just not sure whether to talk to my family doctor or my oncologist who had started me on it to begin with. That would be part of the problem. You just feel like you are in limbo with several things in your life lately.

Yesterday we took Nicole back to camp where she is volunteering for two weeks. She enjoys doing that and would have liked to do more but the Krew got full quickly this year and, even though we signed up early, till then most weeks were full. Next year she will be old enough to be a CIT(Counselor in Training) and is looking forward to that. Lexi goes up to camp on Wednesday and Tyler goes in July.
Before we dropped her off we stopped at an area park for a picnic lunch and a short hike. Below are photos from that.

Nicole and Lexi

Nicole and Tyler

Norm and Kids

Nicole and Lexi

Norm and Kids

Norm and I

Norm and I

3 months after chemo

Norm and I

Nicole, Ty and Lexi

Ty & Lexi
Norm and Kids

The kids and I

Summer vacation

I decided to start a good housekeeping since I missed fall housecleaning last year and spring housecleaning this year. We did my girls' room yesterday and my living room today. I figured next week I will do a few more rooms and hopefully I will be done till the end of the month.

It's been somewhat stressful. I've had a lot on my mind including wondering what the oncologist will do in August, if he will find anything and if I will have to go through chemo again. The thought of that is just depressing. Sometimes it bothers me when I eat so I worry about that and anything else being a sign. Since I basically got ignored the first time by my family doctor, I stress about every little thing whether it is founded or not. The other evening I changed into my pajamas early just to be comfortable and Lexi asked me if I am sick again. That was a bit of a shock. You wonder what goes on in their minds and how much they worry.

My mom is going next week for surgery to remove cysts found inside of her as well. Please pray they are not malignant. The one off her ovary was of slight concern. She has the same surgeon I did and the surgeon assured her that I am an unusual case. Of course that could be taken more than one way. LOL. Her surgery does not sound as intense so far which is a relief.

I've been spending some time in my flower beds as well. For the most part I find it very invigorating even though the chemo has made my muscles more arthritic for getting up and down. I was hoping that is something that would improve as time goes by but so far it hasn't. Getting up and down and in and out of cars has me feeling like an old woman. At work I didn't mind the lifting as much as the reaching down to pick up dishwashing racks or other things from a low position. I also noticed the tingling and numbness in my fingers is worsening. I didn't hardly have any at all at first but now when I have to do fine motor skills, I get very frustrated.
Nicole not only recently got a best supporting actress but a friend sent me photos of her Honors Awards Ceremony as well. She made distinguished honors. I am hoping she gets invited to the National Honor Society....something I never accomplished.

Tyler has had a great season in soccer. His coach told me they were impressed as to how well he has improved as a defender. He is really good in defense but is also pretty good in offense as well. In fact in his last game he scored one of the goals.

Lexi is also a good defender. She has to work on her offense which she does not enjoy playing but she rarely lets a ball past her in defense.

Today we went to a local fire company for a Fun Fest. The kids had fun playing games. Lexi and Tyler both won goldfish. Nicole won a bandana that she planned to use at camp. Lexi won a few other small prizes and Tyler won prizes as well. Lexi also got a ride on a fire engine and also got to go in a cool bounce firehouse/slide.

Lexi and I