Monday, July 13, 2009

Fighting the emotional mire

Lately negative emotions have been an issue with me. I can't really point to one thing in particular, maybe not even two things, or even three or four. It's just been a compilation of just so many things that have been piling up inside me and, being the extreme introverted soul that I am, it tends to come out in both physical and emotional ways. It sort of came to a head yesterday when, before church, a close friend of my husband and I who has been dealing with his own battle of recurrent cancer sat down next to me to chat and even though not much was said, I had this feeling he knew exactly what I was feeling. Then the worship leader stood up and spoke and it just touched me in such a deep way followed by an awesome sermon by an associate pastor. I knew that I needed to enlist help to fight this and get through it. I knew I needed God to help me work through this and friends prayers to support me. I had another issue to work out before I could proceed but I got through that and beginning to sort through my feelings and insecurities. Unfortunately cancer robs you of feeling of security and makes you face the reality of how severely lacking of control over your own life. That has been presenting itself in increased panic attacks. I know in my head that God is in control but lately the total lack of control has totally rocked my world....and this is another issue I need to work out with Him.
From The Message:
No one can control the wind or lock it in a box. No one has any say-so regarding the day of death. No one can stop a battle in its tracks. No one who does evil can be saved by evil.
Matthew 10:28"... There's nothing they can do to your soul, your core being. Save your fear for God, who holds your entire life—body and soul—in his hands.
God is in charge of human life, watching and examining us inside and out.
God made my life complete when I placed all the pieces before him. When I got my act together, he gave me a fresh start. Now I'm alert to God's ways; I don't take God for granted. Every day I review the ways he works; I try not to miss a trick. I feel put back together, and I'm watching my step. God rewrote the text of my life when I opened the book of my heart to his eyes.

1 comment:

Dee said...

Hi Denise
Thanks for commenting on my blog. I've read through your last few entrees. You have a nice writing style. Thanks for sharing your thots ;o) .

I added your blog to my favorites and linked to it from my list of blogs. Hope that is OK.

We seem to have the same hair style- I am also 3 months out of chemo for a recurrence. It takes time to feel better emotionally and physically after chemo. There is a book I read called "Dancing in Limbo". The authors put in to words what it is like when chemo is over.

My favorite scripture quote is
"With God All Things are Possible"